My parents, little bro and I moved to Schwenksville the summer before I started 7th grade at Perkiomen Valley Junior High (PV). My Nana and Pop-pop moved in next to us a month later. I adore them � heart and soul. It�s not relevant to the story, I just like thinking about them. What is relevant however, I met JD my first year at PV. JD was funny and cute and not afraid of anyone. He wasn�t a hellion, he was just the guy who walked a fine line between bad boy and class clown. I loved him immediately. We had tons of dances that year and I spent the entire time scoping out JD. He was THE best dancer in our grade. I�m not joking. He would do a back flip and make it look cool. I actually loved going to school, because he was in ALL my classes. You could imagine my surprise when JD walked up to me at one of our dances and asked me to dance with him. I froze. I totally choked. I told him I didn�t think he was funny and I wasn�t falling for it. Later that week, this girl named Karen came up to me and tisked �JD likes YOU?� Again, I ignored the comment and went about my business as the quiet new girl. Nothing happened after that, I never heard another thing from JD and soon it was the end of the year and we were all moving to the High School building. JD was my crush ever since. I was always looking for him. Even when I was older, and I�d stop somewhere to pump my gas, I would look for him to drive past me. One day he did. What did I do? I shot him a dirty look that said, �What are YOU looking, at?� Yeah. I�m a total bitch. Jump ahead to my senior year in High School. I have Art class and study hall with JD * sigh * We barely talked to one another. I was STILL possessed by how much I wanted him but could never bring myself to let it show. I was SO horrified that he would laugh in my face. When I look back on my fears I see that they were ridiculous. But please believe that when he was in front of me I couldn�t be honest and I couldn�t be vulnerable to him. I was too afraid he would crush me and the fantasy was so much easier to accept than the reality. I would listen to him and his friends talk about chicks this, and partying that. I would never be a part of that, I thought. We seniors graduated in 1996 and all went our separate ways.
During the years after I graduated, I took the fastest track to growing up and getting in touch with my inner confidence otherwise known as my inner bitch. I was involved in drugs, I had sex for the first time and I was out of my parents� house due to a �mutual agreement� I should live somewhere else. I later got myself back on my feet, I was working for Pepper Hamilton LLP and I just landed myself a pretty cool boyfriend named Ray. (He was great at first but I eventually broke up with him. Huge story for another time.) The summer of 2000 I was a volunteer at the Philadelphia Folk Fest as their security dispatcher. I�m great at it, I am told I have the most soothing voice and all the men want me � just like they should. The Folk Fest is a weekend of pure bliss for me. It�s just a huge, diverse group of people who get together to listen to music and get smelly. We camp for a weekend in this gigantic field with NO plumbing. So, I�m registering at the front office, I look up and see JD � J mother-fucking D!! I play it cool, smile and wave as if to say, �What the hell are YOU doing here?� I walk away and chuckle to myself how wonderful he looks. He STILL held my heart. Later that day, I�m at my campsite and I see Mr. Wonderful (JD) walking up the path. I see him first and look away as if I didn�t see him coming. He walks right up to me. I smile real big and immediately ask him to join me. He sits next to me and we start gabbing like we have always been friends. Then he asks me if I had a boyfriend. O M G! JD asked ME if I had a boy friend. I wanted to jump him. I wanted to drag him into the woods and become one with the man. I loved him SO much and had no idea why. I told him I had a boyfriend and asked him, �Well, don�t YOU have one too?� He replied, �Yeah, she�s alright. I don�t love her though, I�ve never been in love.� * sound of Jenna�s heart weeping * I tried to make light of the conversation, �But is she at least hot?� �Yeah� all my friends think so.� We continue flirting and talking for about an hour. He asked me what I was doing for the rest of the weekend and I say the famous, �I don�t know, what AM I doing?� He smiles and tells me to stop by his site and we can meet up. EEEEKKK! I happen to KNOW when a guy digs me and JD wanted me big time. You can imagine my disgust when my fucking car breaks down and I spend the rest of the weekend trying to get it towed and repaired. I missed my chance with JD.
Three weeks later I am driving back to work at the end of my break. I was coming from a bookstore that was holding a sale. I was going to skip lunch, but I saw the Mc Donald�s that I was passing had Winnie the Pooh toys and I wanted one. So I am walking happily out the door with my Happy Meal when I hear, �Psss�
It�s JD.
Let that sink in. I�m in a Mc Donald�s for like five minutes and I was miles away from the town JD and I graduated in. There he was. I started giggling and yelling, �What the fuck! You are freaking me out. You are freaking me OUT!� He says, �Is that a good thing or a bad thing.� I coyly reply, �You don�t get to know that. Now, give me your number, this is too funny.� I get his digits and tell EVERYONE at work what just happened.
I didn�t call him right away, but I called him a week later on Friday to see if he wanted to come out with my friends and me. I got his Dad and he said JD was out. I left my number and I didn�t hear from him. I let a few weeks go by and I give JD a call. He answers and we chat for about an hour. I learned that he worked as a construction foreman and that he was in town to help take care of his sick Grandpa. Isn�t JD great!?
October 31st I am driving home from work and my best friend Rachel gives me a call. She tells me she has something to tell me when I get home. I tell her to tell me now. She says it�s not something she can say over the phone. I�m all like, c�mon!
�JD was killed last night. He was stabbed.�
I pulled over and wept like a child. The last trace of my innocence was gone forever. I hated myself for being true to my boyfriend and not jumping at the opportunity to have the one Man I have wanted for what seemed like forever. And he�s never been in love. I was so angry that I never got to show him what love was like. He was gone. I was never going to bump into him again. I was never going to get �that feeling� when he looked at me ever again.
In the beginning of February, Rachel and I went to a bar right on the town we graduated from. The place is called �The Trappe� and is notorious for being the hang out of all the guys and gals we graduated with. Maybe an hour after we�ve been there, a girl comes up to me and says, �You�re Jenna.� I look closely at her and say, �You�re Christina, how are you!?� She tells me something I�ve been dying to hear. She explains to me how it was very hard for her to walk over and she doesn�t want to sound weird, but she was with JD the day he saw me at the Folk Fest and he talked about me all day. He was saying how much I changed and how great I looked. He was looking forward to meeting up with me later and that he wanted to date me, but I had a boyfriend.
I learned for certain that JD wanted me too.
Do me a favor. Please don�t EVER let someone irreplaceable slip away.
12:10 PM - Friday, Jun. 18, 2004
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