Okay.
I�m not THAT big of a jerk. Occasionally I freely hand out time or money to charities that either strike a chord or just plain involve children. March of Dimes and Children�s Hospital of Philadelphia a.k.a CHOP are two of my personal favorites. Not this past Christmas, but the one before, I didn�t have much time or money to get everyone a big, funny/sentimental present so I donated money to CHOP, in �honor� of my friends and family and boyfriend and his family� so on and so on, and they got cute little cards proving it. J
So. I have decided since then that I should do more for my community. At work we are members of what�s called �Business on Call�. Basically, companies of the Philadelphia area team up with the Chamber of Commerce to help local organizations handle events. How does it work? Well, as a BOC (Business on Call) member, I get these emails letting me know if the local theatre needs ushers or the local museum needs greeters for an event. You get the drift. What�s great about it is Philadelphia has an awesome art, theatre, museum, and music scene and they give you a pass to get in as a �thanks for helping out�.
I recently signed up to volunteer for the Philadelphia Flower Show. I have never gone and always wanted to. I happen to like boring, lady-like stuff like flowers and gardening and landscaping and light-scaping. I am also VERY addicted to HGTV. I swear I�ll watch ANY show on that channel. It all interests me and teaches me a lot about what I�ll have to do when I get a house to make it look pwetty.
So. The Show. I arrive for orientation on Wednesday night ten minutes before we had to be there � 6pm. I walk in, recognize some folks from work and sit behind one of my favorite gals, Marsha. She and I love to gab. So she turns around and we make small talk about which shift we�re working and what position we have.
�Huh? I have no idea where I�m working. The guy on the phone just told me to show up.�
She starts cracking up and materializes this PACKET of info she was sent in the mail. I mean it said when she worked, where she worked, a map of the exhibit, and like three letters saying �Hi! We like you! Thank YOU so much for volunteering. You make this happen and we appreciate you. Also! Try not to make eye contact with Jenna � GOSH we hate her. We hope she�ll get lost and discouraged.�
I�m looking at her package (giggle) and I can�t stop laughing. I kept thinking to myself, as I looked around at everyone else who has their packet out too, I�m gonna have to fudge this one.
THEN Marsha turns around again and says �Iwonder why orientation is two hours long.�
I was sitting down and still managed to lose my balance.
Then the whispered cursing began�
�Are you fucking KIDDING me? How fucking difficult is IT? (Mimics orientation leader) �Hello everyone, thank you for coming out. Here�s a map, stand here and be nice to everyone.� I�m gonna miss my fucking train, man.�
(Note: I enjoy doing my Ren impression, from Ren and Stimpy, when I�m beginning to get pissed, so every sentence ends with the word �man�. If you hear me use this word, get ready for fireworks� not the good kind, either.)
So Marsha is getting SUCH a kick out of my tirade about the fricken Pennsylvania Horticultural Society and their STOOPID show.
THEN they begin. The speakers. We heard from the president and the chair and the two coordinators and the landscaping supervisor. GROAN. They all say how important we are and how important the show is and how the visitors are not visitors � they are our �guests�. I guess they were really digging deep for new corny shit to say to us. I mean, who thinks of this semi-motivational crap? So I sit back in my chair anyway, assume they mean well and continue to pay attention. Ugh. It was so difficult to pay attention. It was like when you had to go to assembly at school to talk about a learning wheel or reaching goals or class elections or some other learning related crap. I was motivated by my sense of volunteering and becoming more involved in my urban community. I even considered joining the Horticultural Society after the head of landscaping, John, stepped forward to speak. He was awful nice to look at. Light brown, almost blonde hair, tan/red face, glasses, broad shoulders and forearms that could pop open a bud bottle without flinching. He brushed his man-bangs aside like a pro and it made me swoon. Then I spotted a gold band and again, lost interest.
When everyone was done speeching, we split into groups, according to our job descriptions � uh oh� I had no clue where to go, so I stayed put with Marsha. We continued to giggle about how I had NO idea what was going on. I�m willing to bet she was also still giggling about the fact that I was PISSED at the TWO hour bore fest that was uncontrollably underway. I mean, whose idea was it to ask urban professionals, who have been working all day, to come in at 6pm and stick around for two hours? At least I get to see the show for free�
Turns out I �kind of� get in for free.
I stay put, and stand in line to get my packet. It turns out that I was in the right place and everyone was assigned a post according to his or her company. All of us, from my company, were concourse ambassadors. Sounds important�
It wasn�t.
After looking over the materials found inside this new and bigger packet, that we ALL got, I saw where the concourse was and only one ticket. The concourse is the cool, fancy name for �The fucking large hall OUTSIDE of the exhibit� I wasn�t even the fuck inside. This is blowing like so much Chicago wind.
One ticket? Yupp. For one admittance. For one day. The day I�m supposed to show up for my volunteer shift. Monday night from 6-9:30. That means if I am able to get a half day off work, I actually get to see the fucking show. The show I volunteered for, in order to get a free pass. The show I�m not even going to get to see as I�m working. I get to be outside. I mean, what are the chances that all the beefy landscapers are gonna be hanging around in the hall� What a fucking tease� not the good kind either.
It was the perfect beginning to a week full of teasing� and not the bad kind either. ;)
Oh, just sit tight. You�ll get details tomorrow about the Flower Show and �flower show�.
(Doesn�t sound so much nicer than fish taco?????)
11:36 AM - Monday, Mar. 07, 2005
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