completely different
I want the ability to vomit on command.
I mean ON COMMAND. Just as easily as me brushing my hair. I want to be able to puke the moment I "will it" to happen. Think about it! It's the perfect tool for someone like me to have!
How did I come to this realization?
The Friday before the superbowl I was taking the train to work, and sitting on the inside seat, next to the window. The seat was large enough to sit three, but only held this wretched HAG and me. We'll call her DriedUpOldTwat. DUOT was just your regular 50-something, old biddy with no expression other than that of one who just finished sucking on a sour cock.
(Can't you just feel the anger I have towards this lady??)
Anyway. My stop was the next one up, so I collect my jacket, put it on. Collect my backpack, put it on. Collect my bag with the Eagles green jell-o inside and make my way to get out of the seat.
DriedUpOldTwat says something to me and I don't hear her, because my earphones were on, I thought to myself maybe I left something behind. I remove the earphones and she repeats herself, "I'm getting off at the next stop."
I give her the I-don't-give-a-fuck-what-are-you-trying-to-tell-me look. (It also resembles the what's-that-fucking-smell look.)
She basically repeats herself and doesn't want to let me out of the fucking seat.
She wanted to sit an extra fifteen mother-fucking SECONDS.
I say, "Okaaay" but thinking to myself, cuck-ooo cuck-ooo!!!
Who the fuck CARES enough about other people on a train to NOT let them out of the seat!!!!?? And who the fuck thinks they get to decide when OTHER STRANGERS are allowed to come and go?? IS she part of a train society that have the privilege of making such decisions or is she a old, bitter beast with nothing better to do than to pick on fine YOUNG gals who still have their LIVES ahead of them and might make something of themselves??
MY mother-fucking money is confidently on the fucking latter!!!!
This is where the vomiting comes in handy. See, I would totally get arrested for punching that bitch in the jaw. If I vomit on her, not only is it fucking gross, but also some might get in her mouth and she'll be tasting my vomit. Either way, she will have to go to work and smell like my righteous vomit all day!!
I almost wish I could teach myself how to have vomit reserves and manipulate them to burst forth on demand just thinking about the possibilities.
Even as I'm walking through the city! I can say stuff like, "Make way! I'm gonna be sick!" And if they don't move? *bleeacccghhhhhh!*
Thanks for listening.
11:38 AM - Tuesday, Mar. 29, 2005
Recent entries:
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