7.17.2000 - Top Ten Signs You're A Lame Superhero

10. Costumes consists of thermal underwear and a Mets cap

9. By day you're a mild-mannered Radio Shack employee. By night you're a mild-mannered Radio Shack employee at home watching TV

8. Only super power: Doing a Charles Nelson Reilly impression

7. Two weaknesses: Kryptonite and Sara Lee's lemon bundt cake

6. You're called "The Flash" because of what you do to people

5. Archnemesis = guy in upstairs apartment who plays music too loud

4. Can only fight crime until 10:00pm, then mom wants you home

3. Your catchphrase: "Please don't hurt me"

2. Mayor summons you by projecting "Fat-ass" in the sky

1. Your superhero name: Carl

11:36 AM - Monday, May. 24, 2004