I guess I'll just let everyone know at once.
My Father lost his battle to cancer and died on Tuesday morning at 6:50 am. I was holding his hand.
It was like a nightmare.
He started shaking and was gasping to breathe and all of the sudden was very still.
His family and I were with him and everyone in the room just started screaming and sobbing. I will never forget it.
I had to share that because I can't stop thinking about it. It was just awful.
But I do know that he wanted me there and that he felt less afraid of dying with me there.
I just kept whispering in his ear that we're all next to him and he doesn't have to be afraid.
We knew he was dying since 12:30 pm Monday. It was like he was going into labor. He was awake the whole time and was talking more than ever.
At one point I was in the room with him and he wanted to sit up. I was holding him up by his back and all I could think of was they way he must have done the same for me when I was too young to sit up by myself. I truly cherished that moment.
He then said how strange he felt. I asked him if he felt cloudy. He nodded and said he did. I said, "Well, do you still know who I am?"
He looked right at me and said Jenna. Then he smiled and told me he was so happy I was there for him. I told him that there wasn't a thing that was going to keep me from being there, right next to him. I told him it healed my heart to be there for him.
He told me how much he loved me and how much he had missed me.
I'll never forget that.
We talked a little more, but those words were only for my ears and will remain with me, for me.
(Although I can't wait to tell Rachel, cause it's pretty funny.)
He was a great man.
Even on his death bed, the day before he died, he was still honkin his wife's boobs. I mean this guy was something else!
I can't begin to explain how hard it is to say goodbye. Knowing he won't be getting my next boyfriend drunk or he won't be walking me down the isle... mt Lord that's gonna be a hard day for me.
I remember when I was 12, my unkle Kevin, his brother got married and the day after, a whole group of us watched the wedding tape. Kevin's wife and her Dad was dancing to 'Daddy's Little Girl'. I was sitting on my Father's lap and he whispered in my ear that someday we would get to do that too.
I never told anyone that - cause I just can't.
I'm just so sad to even leave Kentucky because I can feel him everywhere.
Just say a prayer in Honor of Gregory Scott Miller for me.
Just know that he was such a brave Man through this whole ordeal and took it all SO gracefully. If he were here I'd give him a million kisses.
3:16 PM - Sunday, Oct. 24, 2004
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