It has recently occurred to me that I am a fucking bitch. I mean it. I am a flippin� jerk. I hate just about everyone and am always lumping complete strangers into annoying categories.
For Example, �the guy� who forcefully pushes past me in the morning pedestrian crowd. In my opinion, he is �obviously� an impotent tight-ass with nothing better to worry about than knocking over young girls, in order to reach his office door three seconds earlier than yesterday. There�s ICE everywhere and it�s difficult to walk AS IS and this guy�s ready to bust his shorts open if he has to yield for just one moment.
OR
Maybe he�s a national hero and I didn�t recognize him, and his special Hero Watch was going off and he had to reach little Johnny before Dr. Sinister cut off his baseball-throwing arm. Maybe I was in the way of ultimate justice�s path! Maybe my walking on the sidewalk was what determined the fate of Johnny�s future pitching career. Poor Johnny. It�s all my fault.
OR
Maybe I�m a fucking clairvoyant. Maybe this dick cheese really IS an impotent tight-ass with nothing better to worry about than knocking over young girls, in order to reach his office door three seconds earlier than yesterday.
Meh.
At any rate, I am less and less forgiving than I used to be. I am less concerned for other people. I was helping one of the ladies in our building with her wheelie-cart as she was trying to drag it down the back steps. BUT. It took me a second before I noticed her. I almost didn�t even see her. THAT scares me. I used to have radar for that shit.
I wonder what happened to me.
Everything used to make me smile. I remember loving my drive to work. I remember finding �the perfect song� on the radio and singing along. I remember not caring if anyone catches me dancing and singing to myself.
Now I have to remind myself I used to be like that in order to calm down and renew my faith that it will all come back.
10:58 AM - Friday, Jan. 28, 2005
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