SO. This Sunday I will be in South Philly at a bar called McFaddens, cheering for the victorious Eagles. The door sopen at 3pm and it's open bar and all you can eat buffet until midnight. I get a seat AND only pay $60.00. THAT is like the most excellent deal in Philadelphia! I can't wait to "get beads" and smooch cute Eagle's fans... I love beer so much... *sniffle* It's so good to me and asks nothing in return. NOW. For something completely different...
Begin RANT:
When the FUCK did the people of the United States lose their minds!?
Have you noticed the nation is more stupid than you could ever imagine?
*deep, cleansing breath* (�in through the nose, out through the mouth�)
Okay. I work as a customer �specialist� for a bank here in Philadelphia. It may sound kind of lame, and at times it is, but the amount of knowledge needed for this job is what attracted me to working towards my promotion to this department. Get all that? Good.
These people, we call customers, are fucking nuts. Just plain nuts. And it�s not just our PA customers; we have customers all over the map. Everyone is in a hissy today.
Every now and then our customers behavior has obvious trends. We�ll turn to each other between calls and ask, �Have your customers been really hard of hearing today?� And we�ll all be like, YES! Or last month we had this day where everyone didn�t know their account number. I mean, who sits on hold for three minutes and doesn�t have their account number handy??
Darling Jenna: Good morning, thank you for calling My Bank. This is Jenna, how may I help you?
Dweeb Customer: Uh�yes. Ummm. I want a balance.
Darling Jenna: (Don�t we all my friend?) I can help you with that. May I have you account number?
Dweeb Customer: Oh, yes. Uh, h-h-hold on. I�ll go get it.
- two minutes later -
Dweeb Customer: Hello!!?? Are you still there!?
Darling Jenna: Yes sir, I�m here. (Where the fuck else would I be?)
Dweeb Customer: Okay. I have it. Are you ready?
Darling Jenna: (Not only was I born ready, I have never been more ready in my LIFE.)
Go ahead sir, I am ready.
You get the idea.
Today is worrywart day.
Everyone is worried about the silliest little shit. I have had TWO people in a row ask me very similar questions.
�It says here in this letter you sent me that I need to blah blah blah and send it to the blah blah department. Is that right?�
Are you fucking kidding me?
Do they have an uneasy past experience where other 150-year-old institutions sent them PRANK letters!? As if we sit around and MAKE this shit up!? My head is going to explode. I have a zero tolerance anymore for this shit. I mean honestly, when was the last time YOU called you bank and said:
�Hello, it says here that my ATM card will work in any machine with the �Star� logo. Is that right?�
WHAT!?
Do you HEAR yourself? Are you not ashamed to be asking me this in the first place? Have you nothing better to do at 8 mother-fucking A.M. on a Friday than to ask me if your �Star� ATM card will work in �Star� ATM machines. Get a fucking dog. Get a fucking hobby. Get a fucking screw. I don�t care WHAT it is � just DO something for yourself that makes you less likely to ask the least question-y questions EVER in existence!!
�I was reading the paper this morning and saw your advertisement for a 15 month CD with a 3.25% APY. Is that right?�
No Jackass. That was our rate two years ago. GOTCHA! Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaa. Another fool fell into our trap!
Wake the fuck up.
Did you know that just yesterday, I spoke to a woman that didn�t know her account number nor did she have ANY idea where any of her monthly statements were kept? Fine. I asked her for her SS# so I could look up her information. She gave me her Master Card number. Let me repeat that�
Her Master Card number.
Not her social security number, which is 9 digits long, no. Her 16 mother-fucking digit Master Card number. Wanna hear something even more funny?
My bank has ZERO affiliation with Master Card. None what-so-ever.
I need your help. I really do.
What do you do to calm yourself down?
I don�t know why I care way too much about other people�s stupidity, but it gives me headaches. Not only that, it makes me feel like an asshole for having SUCH an aggressive reaction to these people. I need to chill out.
�I need new porn� - MeanMommy
Well said, my friend. Well said.
11:46 AM - Friday, Feb. 04, 2005
Recent entries:
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